Inadequate

I’m having a really rough day.  I feel really inadequate.  Priya had tryouts for the competitive stream in gymnastics on Thursday last week.  I am proud of what she did, but I know that it wasn’t good enough. There are only a couple of spots open and I know that there is another girl in her class who will get one of them, and her cousin will get the other stop.  Priya’s coach was talking to a few of the mother’s one night after class and was looking only at the other girls’ mother when she said that they would get into competitive and into the 9 hour a week stream.  I also know that the other girl will get the second spot as her coach, who is also a coach for the comp girls, told her that she had to try out.  I just want Priya to be the best at something and feel the pride of what it is like to be number one.  I have never felt that and I hate it.  I have lived my life in the middle of the pack.  I just want to be the best at something that I can talk about.  I never have been and I wish I could.  I feel that I can’t do anything right and I don’t want her to go through life in the middle of the pack.  Blah!! Rakhi

Sorry for the absence

My uncle passed away last week.  We have been going through a lot the past month and I haven't had it in my heart to post.  A couple of months ago my uncle's cancer came back, but the prognosis was okay.  They said that the tumour was slow growing and it could be another 10 years.  A few weeks ago he was rushed back into hospital and they discovered this tumour had grown to his heart wall.  Last week he went back in with pneumonia and few days later he passed away.

My dad is one of the strongest people I know.  He is mourning his brother and taken care of his wife at the same time.

Rakhi.

Snow in April...WHAT!!!!

Things have not been up and down in our house. I’ve gained some weight, which is okay as I was sick for a week, it being that time, and eating high sodium food. I’m dealing with that. Mum has no strength in her lower body, so has to be picked up from the bed and put in the wheel chair now, and my uncle was admitted in the same hospital with a really high resting heart rate. His cancer has come back in his back, so was undergoing radiation for that, and last week was rushed to ER as his resting heart rate went up to 180. My dad has been spending the day going from the first floor (where my mum is) to the third floor (where his brother is). My dad is tired.


Math-boy and I went down this past weekend and cleaned out a lot. We have taken all the plants and given them to a friend of mine, as I cannot keep plants alive in my house. Math-boy has decided to keep one, but he is going to be taking care of it.

I do have one piece of good news. Mum will be starting a new treatment called DCA. There is no reaction to what she is taking now, and from what it sounds like there is very little side effects, but the results are amazing. Here’s the link to the clinic http://www.medicorcancer.com/ . I’ll keep you updated on the progress. We are heading back down in May for Nevin’s birthday and Mother’s Day, so I hope that we will see some progression by then.

6 months and counting

It has been 6 months since the initial diagnosis from the MRI. I can’t believe how much has changed. I have photos of her coming down to our house in November and us going to see her after that. She was still walking and sitting and feeding herself. She can sit in a wheel chair, but that’s about it. We went down to visit her this past weekend, which was great. The kids came too and loved seeing her. My mum used to wear an Om pendant, and has worn it for as long as I can remember. She gave it to Priya on Friday. Priya almost cried. The best part of the weekend was Skyping with my brother in England. Not only were they able to see each other, but my mum was able to see my niece how is now close to 7 months old. All in all it was a great weekend.

I am finding removing my emotions from the situation is the best way to handle things and not let my dad see me get upset. Actually I don’t know if it’s removing my emotions or just accepting it. I went through her washroom and her dressing table to clean them out. Really, how many mini soap bars can one take from hotels? She had things that expired 10 years ago. It was actually funny going through everything. Priya helped me out and was allowed to take all of mum’s costume jewelry and bangles. She is going to have a lot of fun playing with everything.

I had my WI yesterday, and was up 3 pounds from last week. I am not going to harp on this as it was a long weekend with Easter chocolate and turkey. Today is a new day.

Update from the Dr

My dad just called me. He met with the specialists at Princess Margaret Hospital and they compared the December MRI with the one taken recently. The Dr said that there is not too much of a change in the size of tumour, and given that and the fact that she is deteriorating she won’t be around past the Fall. I am going to talk more with him tonight to find out exactly what was said. This is a good thing, because originally we thought it would be less than 6 months. This gives us extra time.
Thank you for your support
Rakhi

Nothing yet

Dad got the MRI results last week, but the radiologist didn't make an accurate diagnosis. Her biopsy determined that the tumour was anaplastic astrocytom grade III, but the radiologist suggested that it could be low-grade glioma. These two are very very different brain tumours. My dad talked to the dr, who suggested not to read what the radiologist said but go with the biopsy result. We are now waiting to get the December MRI so that they can compare the size of them, so see if it's grown.

Dad has been taking her outside - the weather is beautiful right now - and I think this is really doing her some good. Yesterday she was able to read a word without her glasses on. This is a big step forward.

It's funny with this disease. One week is a good week and I feel that she will actually get better and live longer, then another week I feel that she will be gone by the summer.

I guess right now I'm taking day by day.

One good thing is that I have finally hit a 10 pound loss. In 11 weeks I'm now down by 10. I have 20 to go and then it's maintenance. I hope that by the summer I will be able to fit into my summer pants again. I think I just need to keep getting outside and try running.

I will do this.

Thank you for reading.
Rakhi

One more day

Mum had an MRI on Monday - we don't know the results yet, but I'll keep you posted.

My grandfather passed away last week. This is my mum's dad. We aren't telling her as we don't want it to depress her and bring her down more.

I feel bad that I haven't been in contact with a lot of my friends. I find it difficult sometimes as I don't really know what to say. I hope everyone that is reading this knows that I am thinking about them and that I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

On the lighter side of things - we are getting Nevin off of pull-ups at night. He is doing really well and I'm really proud of him. We had one major accident - where we had to change the bedding's and his quilt. Every few nights he has a little bit where we have to just change this pants and underwear.

Priya is amazing. She is doing really well in gymnastics and I'm very proud of her. We have a deal right now. She wants this stuff called Piggy Paint - which is a water-based non-toxic nail polish. I told her that she could get some, if she can do 7 pull-ups without touching the ground. She's already at 5...the little monkey :)

I've started to run again - but am really really really slow. 4.5k in 33 mins. My goal over the next few months is to bring that to 5k in under 35 mins. Someone posted on a news group that finishing a 5k in 35mins is like finishing with grannies. I guess you can call me a granny then :) I am now going to start working on landing on my middle foot instead of my heel. From what I hear - that will help me increase my speed, and increase my stride length. I was talking to a trainer at the gym, who happens to also be an Olympic certified running coach, and he mentioned that short strides (which is what I have) will actually make me work harder and tire me out. So back to the drawing board.

Have a healthy day, and I'll post when I hear the results of the MRI.

Thank you for reading
Rakhi